How to keep a teenager talking to their grandparents
Updated
Teens keep talking to grandparents when contact happens on their terms: short messages on the app they already use, questions that ask for their opinion, a shared interest or project, and stories with the mistakes left in. Pushing for long weekly calls usually backfires; asking a teen to teach you something rarely does.
Why do teens drift away from grandparents?
Mostly because their lives get full and private, which is normal and healthy. School, friends, sports and phones crowd out the weekly call, and the questions that worked at seven ("How was school?") feel babyish at fifteen. It's rarely about the grandparent. The relationship just needs to grow up with them.
Where should grandparents meet them?
- On the app they already use. A text, a photo or a voice note is usually easier for a teen to answer than a phone call.
- In short bursts: a one-line message about something they care about beats a long catch-up.
- At their events: ask for the game schedule or the recital date and message before and after.
What do teens actually want to talk about?
- Their opinions: "What do you think of...?" respects them as people with views.
- Their skills: ask them to teach you something: a game, a phone trick, a song they like.
- Your real stories: what you got wrong at their age, your first job, your first heartbreak. Teens listen to honesty.
- The future, gently: what they're curious about, not what they're going to do with their life.
What shared projects work with teenagers?
- Follow the same sports team or show and message during it.
- Play an online word game or chess against each other, a move a day.
- Ask them to record or edit your life stories, so they're the family historian.
- Plan something together: a trip, a meal for a visit, a playlist of each other's music.
- Harder puzzles: teens enjoy ciphers and logic problems, and a cooperative mystery where they hold half the clues gives you something to do together rather than just talk.
What should grandparents avoid?
- Guilt ("You never call"). It makes contact feel like a chore.
- Commenting on looks, weight or grades.
- Sharing what they told you with their parents unless it's a safety issue. Trust is the whole relationship.
- Taking a slow reply personally. A reply three days later still counts.
How can parents help?
Pass on details (the name of the new friend, the exam on Friday) so the grandparent can ask about real things. Make visits include some one-on-one time, like a drive or a meal for just the two of them. And when a teen mentions their grandparent fondly, tell the grandparent: it keeps them reaching out.